An Affair of Honor (Rebel Hearts Book 2) Read online

  “Unique. So calm and yet so subtly wild beneath the surface. Like the way you dance in the woods and watch the sunset from this room every day. You are drawn to nature as much as I’m drawn to you. From the moment I laid eyes on you, I have tried to capture your attention and never once managed the feat to my satisfaction. There is something so elusive about your face and eyes. You bewitched me, and at last I know why.”

  Matilda glanced away at his remarks, unsettled by them. “My father said as much of my mother. Marrying a gypsy did not turn out so well for him in the end.”

  “He lost her too soon.” William brushed his thumb across her lips. “I can understand the wish to keep you safe from harm at all costs. I am only surprised you allow me so much latitude.”

  “It feels right between us, William.” She blushed though. She had not the strength to fight her own nature. She liked being disciplined. “My mother didn’t die, William. She went home to live with her people because she could not abide society or my father’s rules and restrictions.”

  His eyes widened in shock. “Your mother is alive?”

  “I imagine so.” Matilda shrugged. “They fought before she left. My mother wanted to take me with her, but my father refused to part with me. He would not deny his daughter a place in the world, he said. He promised to educate me, something my mother wished for but could not provide if she resumed her life with her people. She gave me up. She never came back.”

  William caught her wrist and held her firmly. “Do you want to search for her? I will help you find out what has become of her.”

  “That is very kind of you, but it is not necessary. My father and I lived in the same house until his death. In all that time, she never sought us out again.” Matilda shrugged, unable to recall much about the woman who’d given birth to her or stir up the longing to seek her out. “If she had wanted to see me, to be my mother again, she would have come long before now.”

  “Her loss. She should have been proud of the woman you’ve become. Here now, lift your chin.” He raised her face with his knuckle, his brow creasing severely. “You have nothing to be ashamed of, Matilda Ford.”

  Matilda studied his earnest expression, astonished by his remark. “I married for money, William. For that I have every right to be disappointed in myself.”

  “How can you think that? If not for you, I would have died. You had no idea how lost I was until you came.”

  Matilda traced the scar on his cheek. “Our lives prepared us for each other, but it is up to us how we live those lives.”

  “Indeed it is.” He grinned and studied her notes. “You’ll need to advertise for a full complement of servants for the new house. I completed the purchase this morning. We can move next week.”

  Matilda bit her lip. “We have the perfect butler already. He simply needs a promotion and a kind word from you.”

  “Dawson?”

  Matilda nodded. “He will be perfect in the position and can help Miss Marta if she accepts my offer to come back and work for us as housekeeper.”

  William raised a brow. “Are you offering the woman the position so you may play matchmaker?”

  “I am offering her the housekeeper position because I feel she and I will get along. If Dawson and Marta rekindle their romance, then two needs are served at once.” She shuffled her papers. “I assume you have no objection to fraternization between people who intend marriage.”

  “No.” He chuckled softly and caught her up into his arms. “What did I do before you came along?”

  “I don’t know, but I prefer not to speculate.”

  His hand smacked against her bottom. “Dearest Matilda, my wife, my darling, my savior. You are the only woman who has ever spoken to me with so much honesty. I don’t know how I survived without you, and I couldn’t live without you now.”

  She blushed at his promises. Accepting his rules and punishments was easy. Keeping her place in his world took all her strength, but she was willing to be instructed. She wrapped her arms about his neck, smiling up into his face. “I can be all you need, Billy.”

  He kissed her hard. “Darling, say that again.”

  “Billy,” she whispered into his ear.

  William hoisted her off the floor and moved toward their dressing room.

  “I want you over my knee right now, Matilda,” William said before drawing up her skirts. A cold draft tickled her bottom, and his fingers teased the back of her thighs in a distracting dance. She loved him when he was bossy.

  But there was one thing more she needed to say before he would continue. Something vitally important. She whispered his name. “Billy.”

  Twenty-Four

  William let himself inside their new home and smiled at the change Matilda had already brought to the place after just a few short days. Mirrors were hung, hall tables placed exactly where he’d expected them to be and topped with flowers gathered from their own garden. He pushed the door closed on the outside world and placed the heavy wicker basket on the floor gently.

  He’d been away, attending to the final packing of their possessions, which should arrive in the next day to conclude their move from London to the country.

  The move had gone smoothly and was completed so quickly that he was impressed. Matilda had handled everything beautifully. He’d allowed her to stay here without him for two nights, but only because Dawson and the new housekeeper had already assumed their new roles.

  He was standing in his first-ever home, and quite proudly too. He imagined many happy moments in this place with Matilda. He imagined raising their family here together one day too.

  He made his way to the butterfly house but stopped dead in his tracks when he saw what was going on. The room was filled with plants now, a cozy pair of chairs and a side table had been placed in one corner. But it was his Matilda that stilled him. His beloved was kneeling on the floor, her beguiling bottom swaying back and forth as she scrubbed at something she shouldn’t be touching. “What is this?”

  She spun around, eyes wide. “William, you’re back!”

  She scrambled to her feet and removed the soil-stained gloves that protected her fingers before she hurried to greet him with a peck on the cheek.

  William put his hands on his hips. “I’ve come for my Mattie, but who is this urchin scrubbing at the tiles?”

  “It was just a small spot,” Matilda promised, appearing not the least bit guilty. “It was stubborn, and I could not stand it there a moment longer.”

  He grunted. Stopping Matilda cleaning their new home had become something of a battle between them. The minute he went out of a room she moved things, dusted, or started polishing windows. The number of times he’d spanked her for infractions, and she’d not complained, was a little alarming. “Very well. I will let this go just once.”

  She fell into his arms. “You were gone a very long time.”

  “Three days and two very long nights.” He cupped her face with both hands and lifted her gaze to his. “An eternity.”

  “It was.” She took her lower lip between her teeth but then smiled brightly. “I trust you left your family in good health.”

  William kissed her. Hard. Pleasantries could wait a few minutes. Gods, he’d almost run mad with missing her. “Victoria had a marriage proposal just as I left Newberry House. She’s going to consider it on the journey back to Newberry Park and write to let us know what she decides.”

  Matilda’s face grew serious. “She did? Who?”

  “Lord Thornton. He’s a kind man. I’d be very happy with the match if she accepts him.”

  Matilda turned away. “Does she love him?”

  “Hard to say. Victoria keeps her feelings to herself much more than the other pair. Do you know how they met? My sister almost skewered him with an arrow of all things. He’s a brave man to offer. He must wonder if he can survive the marriage.” William laughed heartily, recalling how Victoria had blushed and stammered when she’d recounted the story. “Do you remember our wedding day?”<
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  Matilda nodded.

  He tweaked her chin. “You were so scared of what our marriage might entail. I hope you see now that your fears were unfounded and you belong with me.”

  “Yes, William.” She turned away. “I know what you want from me.”

  A shiver raced over William’s skin at the flat quality of her response. He tried to catch her eye, but she kept fiddling with other things. “Maria Chudleigh showed her face again. She asked after you particularly.”

  Matilda turned away. “Oh, what did you tell her?”

  Something subtle had changed since they’d become intimate, but couldn’t work out why. He had wondered perhaps if his nature was driving a wedge between them. He’d given her everything he was. His name. His time. His attention. His wealth.

  “I told her that when I returned to our home I expected the nursery to be ready. She almost fainted at that suggestion. You would have laughed about it later with me.” He placed one hand on Matilda’s shoulder and she jumped. “Are you all right?”

  “I am not increasing,” Matilda whispered as she resumed her work, tidying pots and shovels away into the workbench he’d had made especially for her use.

  “Good. I confess to being entirely selfish. I want you all to myself for now.”

  She said nothing to that. “Did you see your friends too?”

  “Yes, Mitchell and Cobb. We had dinner and drinks at the club the first night I was away. Both send their regards.”

  She nodded, but then her face fell. “You went to the club?”

  “Yes. Grandfather pulled some strings and arranged a membership at White’s.”

  Her breath whooshed out of her lungs suddenly. She rubbed her temple. “Are you happy with what I’ve done with the house so far? Do you approve?”

  “What I have seen of it, yes.” He pursed his lips, wondering what he’d done. “Now you must come with me. You have a visitor waiting to meet you.”

  She glanced down at her gown. “I’m not dressed for guests.”

  “You are perfect, as always, for this. Vicar will approve of my urgency and will not care what gown you are wearing.”

  She stared at him for a very long time. “I did not know you’d had time to attend services here too.”

  “Not that kind of vicar.” He kissed her cheek. “Come and meet him.”

  William took her hand and brought her toward the front door. Before they had reached their destination, however, he heard whimpering. “Ah, Vicar has awakened.”

  The basket wobbled wildly.

  “What is that?”

  “Our dog. He was old enough to come home to you.”

  Matilda knelt on the ground and unlatched the heavy wicker basket. The dog, who’d thankfully slept most of the journey, burst out and proceeded to jump all over Matilda as if he remembered meeting her before.

  All of a sudden, Matilda burst out crying and tried to hide her emotions from him. She hugged the squirming animal tightly to her chest. “He’s just as I remember him, but why call him Vicar?”

  “You said his little white spot at his throat reminded you of a catholic priest’s robes. If you don’t care for the name, it can be changed.” William knelt at her side and patted the dog too. “He’s had some training, but a little more would be a good idea.”

  “I will. I’ll look after him and you’ll never know he’s here, I promise.”

  Her promise startled him. “Why would I not want to know he’s here? That was the point of having a dog again. We’ll both have company.”

  “But you like your peace.”

  “But not utter silence, Matilda. Dogs bark, our children will cry, and my wife has the most beautiful voice. I missed hearing you while I was away.” He lifted her face to his as she sniffed back tears. “Darling, what is wrong? Don’t ever hide your feelings from me.”

  “I’m sorry.”

  He took in her distress and pressed his head to hers. “Matilda, do you have any idea how much I love you? I would do anything to make you happy.”

  Her eyes darted to his, wide and full of surprise. “You love me?”

  “Of course I do.” Her lips parted and drew back in shock. “How can you not know that you’ve claimed my heart completely?”

  Her eyes widened further, as if she did not trust his claim. “I have?”

  He nodded quickly. “I spent the entire time I was in London gushing about my incredible wife to anyone who would listen. Cobb left dinner at Whites Club in a sulk, and Mitchell is probably still laughing at my impatience to return to you. I told Miss Chudleigh that you might be setting up our nursery because one day, eventually, I hope we are blessed with children.”

  “Oh,” she whispered.

  “I’ve loved you for so long and never could put my feelings into words.” He peered deep into her eyes, trying to show the depths of his devotion. “I wanted you, a servant in my home, when I should have known better. I exposed you to my desires without warning you that I’m not like other men. I wanted you so badly at times that I was jealous whenever you smiled at others.”

  “I wanted you too.”

  “No, you didn’t. Not in the beginning.” He held her face, brushing his thumb across her cheek. “I wanted so much to stay away from you once and I made that ridiculous bargain, intending to keep you safe. I tried to convince myself I could keep you at a distance and let you go later. But leaving you alone is impossible for me. I want you to be my wife, Matilda.”

  Her lashes fluttered, and then she smiled so warmly she lit up the room with her happiness. “I am already your wife, William.”

  “You are my best friend. The one person I can share my hopes and dreams with. You drive away my nightmares with your touch; you share my enjoyment of passion without ever making me feel I am wrong.”

  “What we do could never be wrong.”

  He kissed her cheek, pushed the dog aside, and held her there on the floor. “You got under my skin from the moment we met. But because I had blundered so badly I had to start all over again.” He brought her hand to his mouth and caressed her knuckles with his lips. “I am not an easy man to live with, but you found it in your heart to bear with me.”

  “I cannot imagine ever being afraid of you again.”

  At a sound behind them, he caught her elbow and helped her stand. “Dawson, come and take the dog outside for a short walk. Teach him how to fetch a stick or something.”

  “Yes, Captain.” Dawson rushed in, snatched up the dog, and hurried away.

  “That will teach him for listening into our private conversations again. We need to get him a woman of his own to worry over.”

  Matilda laughed. “It is too early to be sure, but that matter might be solved soon if all goes well. I have detected a flicker of mutual interest between our new housekeeper and butler.”

  “Good.” He steered her toward the steps that led upstairs to their bedroom. “Forgive my haste. It’s been a very lonely week.”

  “I missed you too.” She leaned against him with a deep sigh. “But when will you tell me all your secrets?”

  “Soon.” He brought his hand down on her rear hard. Muted by her gown, it wasn’t at all a satisfying slap for either of them. Once on the upper level, he caught her hips and directed her toward their bedchamber at speed. He’d show her the depths of his desire one day, but not when he was desperate to be inside her.

  She glanced at him shyly. “You love me?”

  “Now and forever.”

  Epilogue

  Christmas, 1815

  Newberry Park

  Matilda was overwhelmed. Too much food. Too much laughter. Too much acceptance.

  A thing she’d never expected when she’d agreed to marry William.

  She leaned a little to the side, resting against the well-padded arm of a chaise in the white drawing room of Newberry Park while she petted her sleepy dog’s head. She was glad Vicar was finally still. He’d spent the whole of the day either chasing or running from the horde of angry cats
that populated the Duke of Newberry’s country estate.

  It was a miracle, in her opinion, that she’d not been scolded for the young pup’s antics. Everyone, though, seemed to find the great chases hysterically funny. Everyone seemed to accept her presence. Even Lord George Ford had wished her a merry Christmas.

  A pair of silver eyes regarded them belligerently from under a nearby chaise. “He is asleep,” Matilda promised the hissing black cat.

  “Oh, don’t worry about Horace,” Lady Sally Hastings, William’s cousin, assured her. “He’s just annoyed he’s missed out on all of tonight’s table scraps.”

  “I can’t believe how much Vicar has been eating.”

  “The dog and his master too.” Sally’s eyes slipped to William where he stood in talks with his aunt. An amused smile turned her lips up. “It is good to see my cousin has not lost his competitive nature.”

  Matilda winced. William had both surprised and worried her this past week. He was quite different around his family. He laughed more. He talked more and dragged her into everything eventually. “He’s happy.”

  “No one can miss that he is,” Sally assured her. “Happy Christmas, Matilda. I’m glad you could be with us this year.”

  “To you too.”

  She sauntered away as William dropped into the space at her side. “Are you warm enough, darling?”

  “Yes, Will,” she promised. On her lap, a thick woolen blanket covered her legs to ward off the chill of any draft. All the Ford women had their own, which meant she must have one too. She had been supplied with a nip of warm rum and a plate of shortbread to nibble on. Matilda had never experienced a Christmas like this, not even when her father had lived.

  She’d never imagined being as included as she’d been this past week.

  “I think I ate too much,” William complained, pressing his hand to his belly and groaning.

  She glanced at him but smiled. “Well, what do you expect when you keep sneaking extra helpings of the plum pudding?”

  “To win.” He burped into his hand and then apologized profusely. “I had to keep up with Hastings.”