The Wedding Affair (Rebel Hearts series Book 1) Read online

  “Blinded by loyalty to family still,” he growled. “I do not know why I should have cared what you thought of me all these years. It is clear you are the only one who cannot see what he does to further his own purse and ambition.”

  He turned away and stalked off into the darkness.

  “Do not walk away from me,” Sally cried out. She followed and caught his dark navy coat by the tails and dug her heels into the soft garden lawn. “Damn you. We are not finished.”

  He stopped, turned slowly, and then bore down on her again until she felt very small beside him. He did not touch her anywhere, but she was aware of every inch of him.

  He sighed softly and her knees went weak all over again at the sound.

  “It is either gag you or kiss you until you see reason,” he confessed. He lifted a hand as if to touch her hair but left it poised in midair beside her face. “I think walking away is the safer option all round, because despite your belief—incorrect I might add—it never was my intention to break your heart or mine.”

  She gasped, and when he stepped back from her she let him increase the distance between them. He had not a heart to break. He was cold and calculating. When he spun about and strode for the house, she hugged herself. She wanted to hurt him. “She had a son. Lady Windermere delivered a son,” she called. “Robert.”

  Felix returned quickly. “I had not heard that. Is she well?”

  “As far as I know, yes, though she remains in Gloucestershire at the family estate,” she told him with a smug smile. It was said that Lord Windermere never left his wife’s side, but she kept that warning to herself. If Felix was involved with Esme, despite his claim not to be, he would have to find out on his own that the lady’s affections had been thoroughly claimed.

  “That is a relief. She has always spoken fondly of that part of the world and the Windermere estate. I would hate for anything to have happened to her during the birth.” His shoulders relaxed. “I will have to write her a letter and offer my congratulations by post before I return to sea. I do not think I will have time or opportunity to visit them and extend my congratulations in person. Thank you for telling me.”

  Sally squirmed that her ploy to hurt him had failed, but she seethed with a dozen questions about their association still. When they had been about to wed, Felix had not known very many women in society. Since those days, he had made his name as captain and built a fierce reputation, leading him to become included on many hostesses’ guest lists. It had always worried her that they might be invited to the same dinners when he was ashore, but somehow they had avoided meeting for six long years.

  But she knew his first visit on returning to London had always been to the former Lady Heathcote’s address. “She is important to you.”

  “She is like a wicked aunt with a compassionate ear. Good night, sweetheart,” he called out. “Do not forget you have important guests to entertain inside.”

  Sally glanced at the brightly lit manor in the distance and blinked rapidly. Dear God, she had forgotten Ellicott. How could she have forgotten she was engaged to marry so suddenly?

  Sally patted her blazing cheeks as Felix strode away, heading for the open dining room doors. She checked her hair had not escaped its moorings and hurried for the closest private entrance to the manor and quietly let herself inside. She would make her way to the drawing room and no one would ever know she had just engaged in a blazing row with one of England’s finest captains.

  Her far-too-distracting former betrothed.

  A gruff male voice called to her, “Is that you, niece?”

  Sally ground to a halt again, hand poised on the latch to her grandfather’s study. She turned quickly, aware of how her behavior might look and the likely chances of where she had just come from being discovered. “Uncle George?”

  “Indeed.” He hefted himself up, balancing precariously on his wooden foot before advancing to her side. “Thought you might give an old man your arm.”

  She quickly linked arms with him. “Of course.”

  He stared at her a long moment. “It is a funny thing how I am nothing like my brother.”

  “I do not know what you mean.”

  “Don’t you?” He gave her an odd look, then glanced around the room. “I like it here. I like being around the family and watching you all grow and make your own mistakes.”

  She gripped his arm tightly. “You are my favorite uncle.”

  “I am your only uncle living.” He sighed, and the scent of brandy hung thick about him. He drank when his foot ached, which seemed often of late. “I am lucky to have married for love, you know. My siblings were not so lucky in that respect.”

  Sally was not sure how to answer that. Her parents were famously not in love.

  He chuckled softly. “There is nothing better than a blazing row to reveal how deep feelings run between two people.”

  “I was not arguing.”

  “Were you not? Could have sworn I heard a commotion on the lawn as I was taking a stroll. Perhaps not…” He frowned. “Never go to bed angry, Sally. Remember that in the years to come.”

  She could not imagine arguing with Ellicott the way she had just done with Felix Hastings, so it was utterly unnecessary advice. “I will remember.”

  He patted her hand. “You were always such a wonderfully unorthodox child. Always wanting to do what the boys could, no matter what was considered proper. You used to make me laugh at your antics.”

  Her cheeks heated as she was chastened by the reminder of her former hapless ways. “The days of making mistakes are far behind me.”

  “A pity. I miss that impulsive young woman.” He met her gaze as they walked along. “Everyone makes bad decisions and can be forgiven. Sometimes you do not even have to say the apology to convey that you are very sorry indeed for a grievous mistake. Think on that tonight.”

  He led her into the drawing room where the other women of her family waited and took a chair nearest the doors without another word. The other men were still taking port, so Uncle George lapped up the attention of her mother and aunt as was his due as the only gentleman in the room.

  Sally thought long and hard about his advice. In her endeavors to act a lady, had she been too good at it and lost something of herself in the bargain? She had tried to be so well behaved until Felix’s arrival had loosened her tongue. The contrast was striking. She rubbed her temple as she took a chair.

  She had been so very aware that everything she did in the past years reflected on her character and her sister’s good reputation. She had been determined to hide her fiery nature from everyone, believing at heart that with her past behavior she had set herself up for disappointment.

  And yet one moment alone with Felix and she was right back where she started, wearing her heart on her sleeve, demanding her voice be listened to. Her emotions had been barely contained as they flowed from her along with her harsh words.

  Ellicott had no idea who she was. She was not going to be the perfect bride he might expect on their wedding night, and she realized she had to reveal some of her true nature to him soon. She also had to tell him about Felix before someone else mentioned her former betrothal. She did not want to embarrass Ellicott, but she also did not want to lose his good opinion.

  A daunting precipice to negotiate. Unfortunately, she had no notion of how to reveal her sad history to her future husband without appearing shockingly fast.

  But what could Ellicott say about it now that the date was set?

  He might wish to call off their engagement, but only a woman could do that. Her reasons for marrying were still the same. She wanted a home, and one day she wanted children.

  Sally bit her lip and glanced around. Everyone said she could not do better than Ellicott at her age, and they might be right. But if Ellicott was the right man, surely he would understand she was only human and had made mistakes.

  But the small voice inside her heart that had waited six years in vain for Felix to come back to her laughed. The
hope that refused to lie down and die no matter how much she tried or how good she acted rejoiced. She had enjoyed arguing with Felix in the dark garden.

  She had relished the fact that she had spoken her mind and he had not been shocked or offended. It had felt good to let loose her emotions with him.

  Liberating.

  She could have the future she wanted with Ellicott only if she could find a way to be herself more often and not lose his good opinion by the end.

  Chapter Eight

  The one bright star on his horizon that always led him back to England had been Sally.

  And Sally had made it abundantly clear she did not want him anymore.

  Felix did not need to be fired upon to know the battle was lost. All he needed to do now was to make a graceful exit and try to forget her. That he had not in the past six years did not bode well for his future success. He would try as he had always tried to no avail before.

  If only the admiral would only let him go, he might have a chance to begin again.

  If only he was not stuck here.

  Felix glanced around the dining room where a thick pall of cigar smoke drifted over the heads of Lord Ellicott, Rutherford, and Admiral Templeton, who had remained gathered around the large mahogany dining table while he had walked the dark gardens.

  The duke sat closest to the open door, engaged in a fierce debate with Lord Ellicott over taxes. Felix tried to follow along, but of course with no home of his own or property, he had little interest in or understanding of the complexities of the topic.

  “A port, Captain?” Morgan asked as he stopped at Felix’s elbow.

  “Never touch the stuff. Whiskey, please.”

  He supposed one day he would have to learn to live upon the land, manage a house and servants, and pay unfamiliar taxes. He would probably run aground at first while he found his bearing, but he would survive. He always did somehow.

  It occurred to him he had no real notion of what he would do with himself when his naval career ended and a victory against France was assured. He had always thought that somehow Sally and the Fords would be part of his life. Since that was not to be the case now, he had better consider his options.

  He took his drink and stood back to observe the gathering. Lord Ellicott had moved on from the injustice of the tax laws for landed gentry but seemed able to talk on almost any subject to the point where Felix could not remember what the starting point had been. Owning a home and land sounded damned annoying and time consuming. Not to mention utterly boring.

  Perhaps I will live in town. An apartment might best suit a bachelor.

  Jennings seemed to like London living although he spent most of his nights inebriated.

  “Penny for your thoughts, Captain,” the duke asked suddenly. “You look like you have bitten into a lemon.”

  He looked up and forced a smile to his face. “Nothing worth mentioning, Your Grace.”

  Admiral Templeton and Lord Ellicott departed for the drawing room and the ladies without a backward glance. When they were gone, the duke shook his head.

  “Come now, surely your stroll outside did you some good.” The duke raised one brow, daring him to deny it. He did not feel better, but he was not suffering anymore.

  The duke had nothing to fear. He had accepted tonight that Sally was lost to him and all the reasons he would never win her back. He could not change her mind, nor did he truly want to turn her against her father. She loved the man, but she could not see the shades of gray he cloaked his world in. “It did indeed. Blew the cobwebs from my mind, in fact.”

  The duke hauled himself upright. “How do you like your room?”

  “It has a pleasant aspect facing the sea,” he said. “Quite an improvement from the captain’s quarters aboard the Selfridge, as you can imagine. A man can have too much splintered wood hanging over his head at times.”

  “Indeed he can.” Rutherford turned toward the fire and tossed his unfinished cigar into the flames.

  Felix’s attention was drawn to the wide mantel the duke leaned against. A single ivory elephant, no larger than his fist, marched toward the nearest window, trunk upraised. Felix remembered trading for it on the streets of India on his first voyage after he had lost Sally. The merchant had bartered hard and been paid fairly well for the trinket. But it was only one of a pair. He had sent this one home to Newberry to fulfill the duke’s bargain and the other he had kept in his quarters on board, wrapped in a shawl he had kept of Sally’s.

  He almost laughed now at his foolish sentimentality. Had he really imagined the piece would one day find its way into Sally’s hands after leaving his own?

  “Would it surprise you to learn that the best views are from a currently neglected dower house half a mile away?”

  He frowned. He had caught a glimpse of a house distant from the estate, beyond the well-trimmed gardens, but had not realized it was abandoned. “Was it the original manor house for the estate?”

  The duke nodded and headed for the doorway. “My great-grandfather built Torre Cottage before my grandfather made his fortune. Later generations have lived there at different times, but because of the cottage’s smaller size, Newberry was built to accommodate the growing family.”

  “Newberry is impressive.”

  “Torre Cottage is a favorite of mine. I lived there when my wife and I were first married for a time. Mary found the family a touch overwhelming at first.” He grinned impishly. “And there are benefits to privacy when you are madly in love.”

  He was surprised the duke had married for love and made mention of it. Most lords did not speak kindly of their wives, or so he had noticed. “I feel I should already know the answer to this, but were you ever in the service?”

  “No, an older brother of mine was a lieutenant, but he died at twenty when the ship ran afoul of a reef, and I became the heir. I had already been married a few years by then, and if not for Mary’s steadfast love, I would have been miserable as head of the family when I inherited from my father a few years later.”

  He was surprised by the duke’s candor yet again. Felix had always imagined Rutherford had been born a duke. That made him a little less intimidating in Felix’s eyes.

  “Love is the one thing that can make a long and demanding life worthwhile,” the duke continued. “Do not plan to live without it, Captain, or you will suffer the consequences.”

  Rutherford took a step and wobbled. Felix grabbed his elbow quickly to steady the man before he fell.

  “Damn hands,” the duke grumbled. “Next thing you know, I will have to endure the indignity of being pushed around in those rolling contraptions.”

  “I am sure it will never happen,” Felix murmured to reassure the older man, but he too could see that day coming. Everyone got old eventually. Everyone died in the end.

  Rutherford thumped his canes on the floor, loosening Felix’s grip, and his lips pursed tightly together a moment. He turned slightly toward Felix. “You know, I miss my Mary on days like this. I always thought we would grow old together. She would have let me fall and then joined me on the floor, laughing about my not keeping my own feet beneath me.”

  Felix shook his head. He could imagine Sally doing exactly the same thing when they reached their dotage, but such a moment was not in his future now. “She must have been a wonderful woman.”

  “She was my world. It would have been her birthday today,” the duke mused and then shuffled off toward the drawing room.

  Felix hurried to catch up in case the duke teetered again.

  ~ * ~

  The dark terrace was perfect for some serious contemplation. Unfortunately, Lady Duckworth had forced Sally’s face around so she could not be alone with her thoughts.

  “You never told me he was so devilishly handsome.”

  She had never wanted to mention Felix again after their engagement had ended, but the description still fit him. “He appears the same as he ever was.”

  Sally walked into the darkest corner and set her h
and over her churning stomach.

  Too tall, too handsome, and too distracting in his naval dress uniform, just as he had been all those years ago when she had been swayed by his charm. She had not quite recovered her composure after their altercation in the garden earlier. Arianna had insisted on talking, so they had escaped to the terrace before Lady Ellicott over heard their conversation.

  “Well, I must say your description of his looks fell far short of the mark. It is always the handsome devils that bring a lady’s emotions undone,” Arianna exclaimed as she adjusted her gloves higher up her slender arms. The countess paused a moment and then smiled broadly. “I cannot bear the sight of him of course, but my word, his arrival is perfectly timed.”

  Sally frowned, thinking his arrival could not have come at a worse time. Ellicott had no idea she had been engaged before. No one outside the family and a few trusted servants did. And Arianna, of course. She knew how far Sally had fallen in embarrassing detail. “I do not understand why you would think that.”

  Having Felix at Newberry Park was terribly timed as far as she was concerned. She had moved on; she had accepted Lord Ellicott’s hand in marriage. She would be a bride soon. A wife. A countess.

  It was cruel to be forced to remember, to face again the man you almost married, especially on the cusp of her wedding another.

  “But surely you knew he had been invited. How sly of you to surprise me, though I do wish you had mentioned him earlier.” Arianna rubbed her hands together as she paced. “We would have had time to confer and put together a plan to put him in his place at last. After the pain he put you through, he deserves a thorough setdown.”

  Sally rubbed her arms, chilled by Arianna’s glee at seeing Felix in their midst. She had just given him a perfectly good setdown and felt no better for it. Arianna knew all about his attempt to use her to gain command of his own ship. The fact he had still been promoted despite their broken engagement had caused her to scream and rage to her in the privacy of her parlor when she had learned of it. “I would rather not be reminded of the past.”