The Wedding Affair (Rebel Hearts series Book 1) Read online

  Mama took no notice of her distress. “It is such a shame. Many parents have ambitions for their children that conflict with what’s truly best for them. And he was in love too, I think. The poor man has never looked at another woman the same way.”

  The countess stiffened in her chair. “How inconvenient, but I am sure he will easily find another. He has means, I understand.”

  “He does, but it is so tragic I can barely speak of what he has suffered. I have hope now that he is finally ready to put the past behind him and love again. He has made his name and a tidy fortune and will surely catch the notice of some deserving woman.” Mama smiled serenely, leaving Sally with the distinct impression she was goading Lady Ellicott on purpose.

  But why? Her parents’ arranged marriage had never been much of an example of wedded bliss, and everyone in society knew they lived separate lives. Even so, Mama always claimed a love match would best suit her own daughters when their turn came to marry. She wanted her children to be happy, and yet lasting love had eluded both Sally and Louisa.

  “I am sure Captain Hastings will find someone.” Else.

  “I would not be too sure,” Mama murmured.

  “Please, not tonight,” Sally whispered.

  “Soon then.”

  Sally nodded, knowing she could not escape a lengthy debate about Felix forever. In a way it was odd that her mother had barely mentioned him in the past years, except to occasionally say his name when sharing news of him in her letters from Laurence.

  Mama was going to be disappointed once she discovered Sally had not agreed to marry Ellicott because she had fallen in love with him. And after her little talk with Ellicott, it seemed very likely she might have committed herself to a union similar to her parents’ marriage. Unless she could make Ellicott love her.

  But love was a fleeting and fickle companion and never a certainty. Sally had to embrace whatever opportunities came her way and accept what she could not change. She could marry without love and be content with that outcome. It would enable her to live the life she was always meant to have.

  Last season she had felt the odd one out among her married friends. This year she could not help but notice that others made plans for house parties that she could not accept invitations to. For one, she would have to take a chaperone, and two, someone had suggested Sally was almost of an age not to need one.

  That remark had hurt her feelings more than she had let on at the time. But later, when she was alone, she had decided it was high time for a major change in her life.

  Marrying Lord Ellicott was necessary.

  Across the room, her grandfather caught her eye. He winked at her, so she winked back and then laughed, allowing her doubts to subside. She had made a responsible decision to marry. She and Ellicott were cut from the same cloth. Things would be different from her initial expectations, but if Sally had learned anything in her five and twenty years, it was to adapt to change.

  She would make it a rule with Ellicott that if either one of them took a lover then the details were not to be shared. “I think I will turn in, Mama.”

  Mama grasped her hand and squeezed. “But it is so early.”

  “I have had a long and tiring few days.” Her duties often left her exhausted, but today had been particularly taxing on her emotions too.

  “Indeed you have. It is not every day a woman accepts a man as her husband.” Her mother nodded sagely. “Rest well, my darling.”

  Chapter Fifteen

  Sally climbed the main staircase with no particular destination in mind once she reached the top. She was not really that weary, but she suddenly could not bear to be around her family. And especially not Lady Ellicott.

  Uncertainty plagued her. She was still attracted to Felix, much more so than she was to the man she would marry. As she ascended the stairs, she studied the face of the late Duchess of Rutherford. Her portrait hung at the top of the stairs leading to Sally’s bedchamber, and her grandmother’s smile had always intrigued her.

  She had only vague memories of the woman—kind, a laugh like sunlight. Soft.

  Sally did not feel she was very much like her, but she wanted, more than anything, the sort of life her grandmother had lived—with a husband’s unconditional love supporting her endeavors. Unfortunately, Sally had not the faintest idea of how to make Ellicott fall in love with her.

  The swish of skirts and rush of soft footsteps drawing near broke her out of her reverie. Unwilling to face anyone at this hour, Sally ducked into the nearest guest room and quietly closed the door until it was almost completely shut. She held her breath as her future mother-in-law hurried past, her direction leading her toward her own bedchamber at the end of the west wing.

  Sally pressed her brow against the cool, solid door and closed it all the way. She did not want to be questioned by Lady Ellicott about the captain, so she would remain here a while and avoid her. She would not be able to offer a good answer if questioned about the past anyway.

  A throat cleared softly behind her and she spun about.

  Felix Hastings, captain of the Royal Navy and her first lover, stood before the open bedroom windows with the sea breeze billowing the curtains around him. Naked as the day he had been born too.

  Moonlight played upon the taut skin of his body, making him seem as insubstantial as air and terribly appealing. Sally gulped as her body reacted to the sheer beauty of his form and the unexpected moment. Strong, muscled, big. She was blushing before it occurred to her she had sought safety in his guest quarters.

  She lowered her eyes. “Forgive the intrusion.”

  “Of course.” He did not move to cover his nakedness but stood immobile until she lifted her gaze again. “Can I help you, my lady?”

  She had not seen him without clothes in such a long time. She bit her lip and struggled to breathe. When she glanced at his body again, his cock thickened and lifted in reaction to her presence. Sally closed her eyes as the desire to skim her fingers over him grew unbearable. “You should not stand about like that.”

  “Why not? It is my room.” He sighed.

  “A gentleman would cover himself, and you could catch a chill,” she concluded rather lamely.

  “A gentleman I have never been. Not the sort that you are used to now. Besides, a proper lady would have done one of three things by now—faint, scream, or leave.”

  “I am a proper lady.”

  He shook his head. “No, you’re not. You’re Sally Ford.”

  “I do not even know what that is supposed to mean.”

  “It means I like that you are bold. I like always knowing where I stand with you.” He said nothing for a long moment. “Tell me you are satisfied with your life.”

  Had she ever been? Sally was not sure she could describe her life as happy even now. She had always wanted more. She wanted her heart to not feel so conflicted by what was proper and what she needed. Right now she desperately needed to feel the warmth of Felix’s hand on her skin. Her heart sank as she imagined what that would be like once more.

  She had never reacted to Ellicott the way she had to Felix—desperate at just a glimpse of his body, needy with barely an ounce of control. She had been happy when first engaged to Felix, but that was the past. She was not the same woman. She had no delusions that he would stay. “No,” she whispered. Her knees trembled and she leaned against the door for support. “I am not.”

  “You should walk out that door,” he said. “No good can come from seeking me out.”

  Sally knew that to be true, but her legs refused to cooperate. The moment she had laid eyes on Felix in the white drawing room, she had apparently lost all sense. She opened her eyes and discovered he had closed the gap between them. He stood just out of reach, magnificent even scarred from his battles. There were old and new marks upon his skin that had not been there when they had lain together. She longed to touch the wound on his thigh that still appeared red, a recent injury she assumed, to assure herself that he suffered no lasting pain.
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  His chest heaved and her eyes were drawn downward, following the smattering of chest hair that trailed low to his groin. He was fully aroused, and they had not even touched. She had dreamed for so long of what it would have been like to be in his arms that she knew, standing alone with him again, that she could not leave without being intimate with him once more. “I cannot leave. Not yet.”

  “Did you tell him we were engaged and what we did all those years ago?”

  “He does not know about you nor need to.”

  Felix inched closer until his body could warm hers. He dipped his lips to her ear and his hot breath sent chills racing along her body. “You are breathing so hard, Sally. I can hazard a guess at what you are thinking about tonight. How long has it been since a man pleasured you with his mouth?”

  Oh, hell. “Some time ago.”

  “Is that what you have come for then? A reminder of the pleasure we shared? An affair before your marriage takes place? Before Ellicott returns and takes you away from all that you know?” He braced his hands on the wall beside her head. “Tell me what you want, Sally, and I will do it gladly. My lips kissing your skin? Our bodies entwined on my bed?”

  His words made her burn with hunger, and she quickly nodded before she lost her courage and her mind. The memory of such a pleasure had tortured her long after he had left; during the long hours she had lain awake in her bed wondering why her love had not been enough. He had used her, and she wanted to use him tonight. “Yes, all of it,” she managed to gasp out. “I want an affair.”

  His lips hovered beside her ear and then he kissed her neck, exactly on the small mole at her hairline. She shivered as he licked the spot.

  “Very well,” he said as he straightened, grasping her arms to pull her away from the door. She trembled in his grip, excited and yearning for his kiss. “An affair that ends when you marry. Now get on the bed and do not slap my face afterward when you have regrets. I will not share them.”

  She had not truly regretted anything Felix had done to her or made her body feel. Her regrets stemmed from disappointment that he had not returned to set things right in six years.

  Sally moved toward his bed, shuddering when his palm caressed her lower back and then slid lower to cup her backside. He squeezed and then the pressure eased to gentleness, urging her toward him. Her reaction was so very different to when Ellicott had touched her that she closed her eyes briefly.

  Was she so lost in sin that she could not feel any guilt?

  Her legs trembled as she lifted her skirts and set her knee on the thick pile of mattresses on the high bed. Felix slid his hands to her hips and steadied her as she tumbled down on his sheets, breathless with anticipation.

  She expected him to stretch out above her as he had that last night together and claim her immediately. It had been so long. However, he remained at the edge of his bed, inching her gown up until her thighs were bare. He stroked her calves and then moved higher, his hands rough and hot.

  “So lovely,” he whispered as his thumbs traced the inside of her thighs. He met her gaze. “So soft. Such hunger in your eyes too. I can see and hear your desire. It feeds my own for you no matter how wrong that might be.”

  “The only thing wrong is your delay,” she whispered.

  “Everything in good time, sweetheart.” His grip firmed, then he slowly parted her legs. Her gown, still covering her most intimate place, remained a barrier between them.

  He slid down to kneel beside the bed and pulled so her bottom rested at the edge and her legs dangled over the side. Her gown had risen to expose her lower body, and she squirmed in anticipation. Felix hooked one of her legs over his shoulder, and the blistering heat of his skin against the back of her limb made her gasp out loud as disremembered sensations swamped her.

  She had forgotten precisely how hot his skin could be and how the texture of it had affected her excitement. What they had done together was scandalous, and she reveled in memories too wicked to repeat aloud.

  He pushed her gown up to her waist roughly, exposing as much of her torso as he could. His hand brushed over her corset, then dug beneath, a rumbling sigh filling the room as he caressed her soft stomach.

  Sally squirmed, wishing he were not so far away and that she could see him. As the seconds ticked by until he touched her, kissed her, and made her feel again, she held her breath.

  But when he slid a finger over the lips of her sex, she jerked so wildly she was surprised by her own reaction. She wanted him to touch her, but her nerves were so overwrought she could not stay still.

  He chuckled softly against her thigh and bit her skin lightly. “You were always so sensitive. Are you ready, Sally?”

  “Yes.” The desperate quality of her voice when she answered him took even her by surprise. “Please.”

  Heat from his lips on her sex brought a moan bursting from her lips. He kissed her hungrily, and Sally widened her legs, demanding more of that feeling as she lifted her hips into his claiming.

  He parted her folds with his tongue, teasing the place he had touched before. She ground her hips into his wicked mouth and lost herself in the sweet torture of a forbidden and missed pleasure.

  Her arousal built swiftly, sharp and raw, and she jerked back from him before she climaxed. “No.”

  He rose to his feet quickly, his brow furrowed. “Doubts now?”

  “No.” She sat up and reached out to touch his face, trailing her fingers over his hard jawline and the new scar. “I just did not expect to feel so much so soon.”

  He pushed her backward and bent to nuzzle between her legs again, “I always liked that quality in you. Trust me. I know what you need better than anyone ever will.”

  He skimmed her opening lightly with his fingers but then shook his head and instead brushed them over her sensitive nubbin. He glanced beyond her head to the open window and the moonlit night beyond and grinned. “My Sally beneath the stars once more.”

  He maneuvered to lie with his face between her legs and settled himself to kiss her lower lips fiercely. Sally grasped the bedding as he brought her back to the brink before she was ready. He teased her, loved her until she could barely remember her own name. He moaned against her sex.

  Sally touched the top of his head as he lapped at her, threading her fingers into his messy hair. Her sex quivered again with a warning of imminent release that she could not control alone. His arm clamped down on her hips when she tried to move away again to delay the moment. His intent was clear. He would not allow her to put off her release a second time.

  He had not changed his bedding habits very much. He had insisted her pleasure come before his own.

  Sally fought against her body’s need, prolonging the moment for as long as possible. She writhed on his bed, tortured, eager, and when her release burst, her every muscle shuddered violently. She muffled her cries with the back of one hand, fighting to breathe while holding Felix’s mouth against her.

  Struggling to make sense of why she had just betrayed her own plans for a proper future, she let herself slowly relax. There was no explanation, so she reached for Felix, eager to reciprocate—to have him slide inside her body and gain his own satisfaction.

  “No,” he murmured and drew back to sit up far away from her on the bed. His cock full, hard, and waiting for her touch.

  She fought with her lassitude to rise from the bed and follow him. He evaded her a second time. She sat back on her heels in surprise. “Why not?”

  “This is not right.” He reached for his trousers. He tugged them on roughly while Sally could only watch in confusion. He turned eventually once they were fastened, but his expression was grim. “Sally, let me make one thing perfectly clear. The next time you seek me out alone, I will have the rest of you too. I will not hold back again; I will not even ask permission. If we are ever alone like this again, I will make you mine and dishonor us both. Do not come back.”

  Sally scrambled to a sitting position as he stood up. “Felix, you do not und
erstand.”

  “Oh, I understand all right.” He wiped his brow with the back of his hand, scowling. “You always did like the danger of meeting me in secret. An affair will not ever be enough for me, but you know I am willing so you came anyway.”

  She gasped at the bitter edge to his voice. “That is not why I am here.”

  “You are engaged to be married to one of the most eligible bachelors in society. It is a good match for you. For your family. This”—he gestured to the bed—“is nothing more than an adventure for you, like it must be to so many married women who flirt with naval officers with nothing but their years of service to recommend them. I know why Lady Duckworth wants me to visit her at Lofton Downs. I assume I am to be made to look a fool.”

  Her eyes filled with tears at how he must perceive her intentions. “I have not changed that much. I never expected this when I sought sanctuary in your room. What happened just now was not planned, but I am not sorry.”

  He seemed taken aback for a moment. “Even so, an engaged woman should not allow another man to bed her before her wedding day. Ellicott will want his own heir.”

  “He does,” she agreed, although in the heat of the moment Sally had forgotten everything but satisfying her own passions. Felix had considered Ellicott far more than she had. As far as he was concerned, they were in the wrong. “And he shall have his own son thanks to your level head. You must not feel concern he will call you out for this though. Ellicott and I have an agreement to marry, but fidelity was not part of it.”

  Felix growled, a dangerously loud sound that shocked her. “How could you agree to such terms?”

  She shrugged. “In many ways I am the same woman you knew, but I have grown up too. I have given up the fantasy you dangled before me, then snatched away. I have given my word to marry Ellicott. He understands what I want from life.”

  “Then you are not the woman I loved but a veneer of her former glory.”

  Sally blinked. He had not loved her. Not really. She could not waste any more years on a dream of love and marriage too. Felix had already disappointed her once. Sally did not think she had the strength to recover from a second heartbreak. Lust without love was the only experience she wanted now.